Grounds for Joy

From The (early) Boldbrew Archives

The bouquet of freshly brewed Rainbow Roast mingled with the faint wave of citrus-scented cleaning spray, weaving its way through The Coffee Queer Café. Betty Boldbrew glanced up from her favorite recipe journal, her jet-black hair catching the soft golden glow of the morning sun slipping through the bay windows. Her thoughts drifted to her favorite coffee hack just as Greta’s voice cut through the gentle whir of the café.

“Betty, how do you keep those countertops so spotless? Mine never seem to shine like this.”

Betty’s face lit with a knowing smile. “Funny you should ask. Coffee’s the answer to more than just getting through the morning. It’s a little secret weapon for all kinds of things.” She set steaming mugs on the counter for Greta and Marjorie, who were already deep in a spirited debate about whether coconut milk or oat milk paired better with espresso. Betty couldn’t help smiling. Those small debates always sparked something.

“Betty, you must spill the secret to how you keep your skin so radiant,” Philomena called out as she sashayed up to the counter in a satin green blouse and enough glitter to rival the Milky Way. Her eyes shimmered with curiosity.

Betty tilted her head, placing her hands on her hips with mock grandeur. “Why, Philomena, it’s coffee, darling. And not just for drinking.”

The room quieted. Jasmine and Mack paused their collaborative art project to listen. Coffee had always been the café’s elixir of life, but in Betty’s hands, it had become something more. She pulled a small mason jar from beneath the counter. “If you’re looking for a natural exfoliant, there’s nothing better than a simple coffee scrub. Two tablespoons of used coffee grounds, one tablespoon of coconut oil. It’s like a spa in a jar. Sloughs off the dead skin and leaves you glowing like the morning sun.”

“Does it work for hands too?” Greta asked, raising her hand like she’d volunteered for a demo.

“Hands, feet, even elbows. Coffee grounds are packed with antioxidants that keep skin youthful. Plus, it’s completely waste-free.” Betty’s enthusiasm was magnetic.

Philomena arched a brow. “And does it smell divine? Because if it doesn’t, sweetie, I’m not interested.”

Betty winked. “You tell me, Lady. I’ll whip more up, and you can take it home.”

Jasmine twirled her stick of chalk. “Betty, is it true you can use coffee to dye things? I’m playing with natural dyes for a new art series.”

Betty leaned in like she was sharing archaic secrets. “Absolutely. Brew a strong pot of dark roast, let it cool, and B-A-M!, you’ve got a beautiful natural dye. It works on fabric, paper, even wood. I dyed an old linen tablecloth once. Now it’s the centerpiece of my kitchen.”

Jasmine’s ears perked up. “Could it work for aged paper effects in collages or canvases?”

“Perfectly. Dip the edges or soak the whole space for a dramatic look. Add a teaspoon of vinegar to help set the color.”

Ollie, sipping his Americano in the corner, cleared his throat. “I’ve been using coffee grounds to keep slugs out of my garden for years. Works like a charm.”

Betty grinned. “It sure does. I was just about to mention that. They’re a fantastic pest deterrent. Scatter them around your plants and you’ll keep the slugs away while giving the soil a nitrogen boost. It’s like a caffeine jolt for your begonias.”

The café door jingled. Samuel Periwinkle, Brewtonia’s jovial city court clerk, ambled in with his usual grin. “Good morning, everyone. I’ll have the usual.” Samuel listened to the cafe’ chatter while he waited. When it was ready, he asked, “Betty, do you have anything that’ll keep me from looking like I crawled out from under a filing cabinet?”

Betty chuckled. “Sam, try a coffee-infused under-eye mask. Mix grounds with honey and let it sit for ten minutes. The caffeine reduces puffiness, and the honey makes you feel like a new man.”

Sam slid into the seat beside Ollie. “If it works, I’ll be in here every morning for bags of beans instead of donuts.”

Ivy glided in next, all moon phases and celestial fabrics, her entrance somehow both quiet and operatic. “Betty, my stars align when I’m here. Tell me, do you have anything that blends the magic of coffee with cosmic balance?”

Without missing a beat, Betty handed her a small jar. “Try this bath soak. Coffee grounds, Epsom salts, and a few drops of lavender oil. Perfect for chakra work or just unwinding.” Ivy cradled the jar like it was enchanted. “This will be perfect for my Full Moon Ritual. Betty, you’re a genius.”

At the window, Luci flipped a page in her dog-eared copy of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and raised her latte. “Betty, could coffee grounds be used for book preservation?”

Betty grinned. “Not quite. But you can make sachets to absorb moisture and smells. Great for vintage bookcases or archival boxes.”

Marjorie leaned forward, intrigued. “Alright, what about cleaning? There’s gotta be a trick for that too.”

“Oh, there is. For smelly fridges, just set a bowl of dried grounds inside. It absorbs odors fast. Works for garbage disposals, too. You just use a pinch with hot water. And it’s great for bathrooms. Helps with smells and adds a little earthy charm.”

Marjorie nodded, impressed. “I’ve been wasting all those grounds. Never again.”

Betty wiped the counter with practiced ease. “It’s trash turned treasure. If you’ve got stubborn grease on pans, use grounds as a scrub. Gentle enough not to scratch, but tough enough to cut the grime.”

Even The Brewtonia Postmaster lowered his newspaper. Betty’s coffee hacks had that effect. They made everything feel a little more possible. As the morning stretched on, the café transformed into a hub of creative buzz.

“Dab wet grounds on scratched furniture,” Betty offered, “and it blends right into dark wood.”

“Use cooled coffee as a rinse for brunettes. Adds shine and deepens color. No toxic box brand can even come close.”

“For pets, sprinkle grounds around outdoor spots. It helps keep fleas away naturally.”

The ideas flew like cream into espresso. Henry suggested cinnamon in the dye. Greta considered coffee-scented candles. Jasmine drafted a sketch of a mural called The Alchemy of Beans.

Then came the star of the morning.

“Here’s a cleaner I swear by,” Betty said. “Fill a jar with orange peels. Add white vinegar and a tablespoon of coffee grounds. Let it sit for two weeks. You’ve got a natural cleaner that smells like magic and works like a dream.”

Luci walked up to the counter with a grin. “Betty, you know what this café needs? A coffee hack newsletter. Something people can take home. Tips, recipes, illustrations…like Brewtonia in newsletter form.”

Betty laughed, her heart blooming. “You’re onto something, Luci. Maybe we start with an edition called Grounds for Joy.”

The Coffee Queer Café was always more than a coffee shop. It was a hearth of discovery, invention, and small wonders. And on mornings like this, with laughter stirring the air and curiosity at every table, Betty knew she wasn’t just brewing coffee.

She was pouring joy.